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I'm not sure where to start this exactly, except that it's 4am, I still haven't slept and this is on a loop in my brain. Reading my flist, it seems to be the night for it. I say again, conceived and written at 4am, and may be subject to daylight clarification and/or contain traces of nuts or dairy products. Those warnings out of the way:
I am the target of the reclaim the night marches; I am a woman who fears to (and therefore doesn't) go out after dark in case of rape/mugging/murder/the boogieman. I've had several conversations of varying levels of awesome about the whole thing -- the marches, the fear, the exclusion of men -- but often find it difficult to think on my feet, and so formulating my arguments and rebuttals doesn't happen until, oh look, 4am. My brain is not useful sometimes.
Yes, the marches exclude men. No, there are actually no safe spaces. Yes, someone you know is most likely to be doing the attacking, and in a place you've arbitrarily marked 'safe', like your home. etc, etc. In sum, the discussions of the last few days say: Reclaim the night marches are creating the illusion of safe space, an insular, discriminating-against-men bubble with little relationship to the rest of the world.
You know what? That's okay. It's okay because the marches are just one step in a larger process.
An analogy: If someone had a fear of flying that had stopped them setting foot in a plane for years? The last thing you'd do is buy them a one way ticket and shove them alone onto a 12 hour flight.
Depending on their levels of fear, you'd possibly take them up on a hill overlooking the airport first, so you could tell them about all the awesome places you can visit as a result of flying, and watch planes taking off and landing safely.
Then you'd coax them into doing a 'dry run': going through the airport and arranging for them to be able to board an empty plane. They can sit in the seats, wander up and down the isle, and generally get a feel for what it's like in there with you there to be supportive, answer questions and hold their hand.
That way, when they do realise "hey, I could go to Europe, and it would be awesome!" they can board the plane for real and know at least a little, what it's like a head of time, and that it's totally within their ability to do it.
Me? I've been sitting on the hill for my entire life going: "But what if the plane *explodes*?" Or rather, I didn't go to last night's march because I was scared to go out after dark. Yes, I'm aware this is pathetic. Sighing at me and saying "that's so sad" doesn't make me feel any less shitty about it.
The marches are the 'dry run' on the plane. It's doing something scary in a safe, insular bubble so that it's a hell of a lot easier to do it for real later. This fear of the dark/men/the boogieman? If it's allin your heads, you crazy, stupid bitches our perception of reality, rather than something real? Then allow us something we can use to start challenging our perceptions. Let us have our women-only bubbles so we can look around and go "hey? this dark thing? I can do this."
I am the target of the reclaim the night marches; I am a woman who fears to (and therefore doesn't) go out after dark in case of rape/mugging/murder/the boogieman. I've had several conversations of varying levels of awesome about the whole thing -- the marches, the fear, the exclusion of men -- but often find it difficult to think on my feet, and so formulating my arguments and rebuttals doesn't happen until, oh look, 4am. My brain is not useful sometimes.
Yes, the marches exclude men. No, there are actually no safe spaces. Yes, someone you know is most likely to be doing the attacking, and in a place you've arbitrarily marked 'safe', like your home. etc, etc. In sum, the discussions of the last few days say: Reclaim the night marches are creating the illusion of safe space, an insular, discriminating-against-men bubble with little relationship to the rest of the world.
You know what? That's okay. It's okay because the marches are just one step in a larger process.
An analogy: If someone had a fear of flying that had stopped them setting foot in a plane for years? The last thing you'd do is buy them a one way ticket and shove them alone onto a 12 hour flight.
Depending on their levels of fear, you'd possibly take them up on a hill overlooking the airport first, so you could tell them about all the awesome places you can visit as a result of flying, and watch planes taking off and landing safely.
Then you'd coax them into doing a 'dry run': going through the airport and arranging for them to be able to board an empty plane. They can sit in the seats, wander up and down the isle, and generally get a feel for what it's like in there with you there to be supportive, answer questions and hold their hand.
That way, when they do realise "hey, I could go to Europe, and it would be awesome!" they can board the plane for real and know at least a little, what it's like a head of time, and that it's totally within their ability to do it.
Me? I've been sitting on the hill for my entire life going: "But what if the plane *explodes*?" Or rather, I didn't go to last night's march because I was scared to go out after dark. Yes, I'm aware this is pathetic. Sighing at me and saying "that's so sad" doesn't make me feel any less shitty about it.
The marches are the 'dry run' on the plane. It's doing something scary in a safe, insular bubble so that it's a hell of a lot easier to do it for real later. This fear of the dark/men/the boogieman? If it's all
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am awesome post, hun
and very honest
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That makes sense. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, and it's a great analogy. (oh, and you are not at all pathetic, btw :)
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I'm still torn on the 'wanting to march' btw - while the event as is is excludes both genderqueer and also men who either feel unsafe or want to support women who do, I also understand the importance of having women-only spaces.
It's a complex issue.
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thanks for sharing your feelings about this. 'fessing-up to something that scares you is brave and often useful. go you.
i'm a bit more reluctant to go outside if it's dark - i like to be able to see what's coming so i can walk away if i want to (partly cos of the area where i live - there are a few dickheads around here unfortunately).
if you'd like some company for an evening stroll sometime, i'm game =)
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if you'd like some company for an evening stroll sometime, i'm game =) *is feeling the love* thank you!
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I'm also up for evening strolls if you like :)
*love*
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On exclusionary spaces and bacon
I totally think that spaces like that are important, for all the reasons you've mentioned. I do lots of 'mens work' and 'mens group' type things - not because we want to exclude women, but because I've found it to be true that men are sometimes more able to open up in circles of their peers, and in that opening up they are more able to open up elsewhere in their lives, which is good for all involved.
is it defensible ultimately to have men-only spaces like this? No clue. Does it work? Abso-fucking-lutely.
Oh, by the way, there's some bacon in the friidge - I got extra this morning so I could make you a bacon sandwich, but you weren't up in time, so you can make yourself one ;)
Dan xx
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If there's anything I can do/give etc. you let me know :)
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